ZOMBIE LARP: WHITE NOISE

Saturday 24 MARCH 2012 | 10.30am – 9.00pm | Friar’s Walk Mall, Reading

To purchase your extremely limited-edition ticket, get over to ZombieShop.co.uk!

At White Noise, you’ll take part in four massive, strange and scary games of Zombie LARP. It’s an all-action game of survival in a shopping mall filled with zombies. You’ll be armed with the very best in NERF firepower and foam-rubber bashing-weapons to smite the undead. You start out as a tasty, tasty human in three of the games, and as a hungry, hungry zombie in the other. Think fast and shoot straight and you might turn out to be the hero. Slow down or slip up and you’ll join the shambling wall of corpses.

The venue – Friar’s Walk Mall – is a four-storey labyrinth of twisting corridors, pitch-black tunnels, vast storerooms, derelict shops and eerie arcades echoing with the moans of the damned! And it’s right next to Reading train station and has a big carpark. So it’s ideal for a zombie outbreak.

If you can think of a better way to spend your Saturday – well – you can’t! It’s impossible! We don’t believe you! Of all possible things, ZombieLARP is best! Fighting running screaming horror action!

What are you still doing reading this? Go! Get over to ZombieShop.co.uk and buy a ticket before they’re all gone!

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   Zombies and stories

The survivors were holed up in underground rooms,
Scared to death that some horrible holiday looms…
But my team-mates (with NERF guns), and I (with my axe),
Were patrolling the hallways, not free to relax.

When out there in the darkness arose such a roar
And the sound of blunt zombie-teeth munching on gore…
Away to the armoury I flew with all speed,
And returned with (quite wisely) a loaded Stampede.

When, what should I see from behind my gunsights,
But a hideous sled pulled by fearsome White Knights.
Driven by a cadaver – pleasant-smelling, he ain’t -
And we knew we were facing the vile Flexmas Saint.

“Fire, Longshot! Fire, Longstrike! Fire Mav’rick and Vulcan!
Fire, Two-Shot! Fire, Deploy! Fire Raider and Recon!
Shoot the head! Shoot the guts! Aim lower! Up higher!
Just fire away! Fire away! Fire away, FIRE!”

The dead saint was dress’d in furs all smeared with blood
And a hideous visage peered out ‘neath his hood;
A sackful of entrails he bore on his back
For to chew on whenever he wanted a snack.

His eyes – how they rotted! How pallid! How vile!
And his sunken cheeks framed a sick lipless dead smile.
His wide drooling mouth dribbled droplets of slime
And the beard of his chin was encrusted with grime.

His maw, and his hands, dripped with gore of all kinds.
And a red trail he left on the Mall floor behind.
He had a vast head and a corpulent gut,
That split when he laughed, spilling dead organs out.

He was fat, dead, and gross; a right hideous freak,
And I aimed for his head, as I let out a shriek,
But the creatures around him – the White Knights – the zeds -
Were already on me, and tore me to shreds.

They spoke not a word, but took very great pains,
To fill bellies with flesh, but let rise what remains.
The Saint laid his finger aside of his nose,
And he gave me the nod; as a zombie I rose.

So I sprang to the slaughter – ate team-mates alive –
In an bloodthirsty frenzy no-one could survive.
But I heard the Saint snarl, as my friends died in fright,
“Cheery Flexmas to all – and to all a White Knight!”

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Morris dancers. Hard as nails.

When those of us who are non-gamers start telling somebody about Zombie LARP, the conversation usually goes something like this:

“Well, no, it’s not like, you know, proper LARP. I mean, we don’t really do any statistics or anything like that. We don’t even role play really. We just run around shooting NERF guns at things. It’s practically sports really…”

Then we’ll go on to explain in great detail this one totally awesome time where we outwitted a horde of at least 400 zombies, only to die tragically mere inches away from the exit. If you’re a better person than I am, you’ll resist the urge to make the accompanying sound effects.

This was pretty much my approach, until a fateful trip to the pub after the Station Zero game this year. We were having a good froth, and the conversation turned to Harry Harrold and his documentary film crew. This team didn’t just go into the game with themed costumes and a camera – they would talk loudly about what shots they needed, each of them playing a role. At one point they knocked over a zombie, then, complaining he hadn’t managed to get the shot he needed, Harry insisted they let the zombie back up.

By this point, much beer had been drunk, and we became absolutely insistent that we needed a theme for the next game. Going as a corporate team building retreat was one of our more successful ideas. Then, Alina did the foolish thing of suggesting a completely outlandish, comedy idea that obviously nobody was supposed to take seriously, to a table full of drunk people. [editor's note: Alina wishes it to be known that the whole thing was entirely Matt's idea and therefore everything that follows is his fault.]

That is why, for our first game at the Flexmas Zombie LARP our team was entirely dressed up as Morris Dancers.

Actually trying to play a role during a role playing game taught me several important lessons, which I’m going to share with you here, because I’m nice like that.

Role Playing Means You Care Even Less About Dying

A big part of the Zombie LARP ethos is that you are going to die. Not just in the wider, existential sense, but in the specific, some time in the next 45 minutes sense. As a survivor it’s important to take this to heart – winning isn’t about getting out alive, but about making sure that when you inevitably do die, it’s in a suitably awesome fashion. Of course, this philosophy hasn’t stopped me from dying screaming in a corner after some pretty cowardly acts in previous games.

Playing a character is different though. As we went into the Friar’s Walk Mall wearing ribbons and bells, we were pretty much certain we were going to be slaughtered mercilessly. As it turned out we’d vastly underestimated just how powerful melee weapons were and our entire troupe made it through the game pretty much unscathed. But our game plan had been: Step One – Form distraction to oncoming horde; Step Two – Die jingling. Because funny.

Role Playing Gives You Way Cooler Things to Say When Killing Zombies

There are few things as satisfying as battering a zombie to the ground while snarling “Hey-Nonny-Nonny Motherfucker!” Or during our round playing Organiflex – Bioflex’s nearest competitors – putting a gun to someone’s chest and saying “We’re going to expand our market paradigm IN YOUR FACE!” Pro-tip: It’s a good idea to think of your themed quips in advance of the game, as you’d be surprised how hard it us to come up with off-the-cuff remarks like that in the heat of battle.

Rule 0? What Rule 0?

Rule 0 (Don’t be a dick) is a good rule both for Zombie LARP and for life. But it’s a rule with a hidden sub clause. Nobody likes a dick – but everybody loves a good villain. And if you’re playing a character with back story and motives and a personality, they might as well be an enormous arsehole.

Now, it’s important to note that there’s a difference between pretending to be a dick, and actually being a dick. Roleplaying a dastardly character doesn’t mean griefing other players, cheating or trying to make the game less enjoyable for other people. It’s a question of whether what you’re doing is going to give other players stories to tell. After all, we all know that in a zombie movie it’s not the zombies who are the threat, it’s the slimy bastard in your survival compound who’ll screw everyone over.

Example: Shooting a player in the back = bit of a dick move. Pulling your gun on a player to bring about a tense Mexican stand-off, even as a horde of zombies is bearing down on you = villainous.

During my time as CEO of Organiflex, I engaged in all kinds of douche-like behaviour. I refused to shake hands with anyone, instead insisting that Tom, playing my office boy, did it for me. Likewise, I never shot a zombie if I could order somebody else to do it for me. I attempted to take over the Bioflex safe room, and in the process threatened to have a team of boy scouts shot. I ended that round by waiting just a little too long as the survivors fled to the exit, so that I could shoot the Bioflex representative dead. By the time I turned to leave, my way was packed with zombies, who I held off just long enough to put a cigar in my mouth.

With great evil, comes great responsibility. Which brings me back to our first lesson about role playing. Dying a noble, heroic, sacrificial death is great fun. I’ve tried it before. But you know what’s even better? Dying a karmic death that you totally had coming.

To read more about my roleplaying adventures, taking a look at my Christmas Zombie LARP Carol.

Joyous welcomes and ///mandatory/// smiles are yours to enjoy and reciprocate with this congratulatory FLEXMAS ELECTRONIC GREETING>>>>>

“]”]”]

From: PR human [NAME:REDACTED

We are pleased to pronounce our FLEXMAS testing a SUCCESS although malicious vandalism of company test equipment and ambulatory cadavers with small arms fire and blunt instruments throughout test period has lead to>>>>>> COSTLY REPLACEMENT GAS filtration procedures being undertaken in local schools rest homes government buildings and rival malls to generate fresh test equipment and ambulatory cadavers. Full report on the costly but doubtlessly//festive event can be viewed HERE//don’t.look.it’s.scary

As such the ENFORCED GIFTING REGIEME gloriously envisioned for FLEXMAS 2011 in which occluded science agents revisit all escaped ERROR ERROR revisit all //SUCCESSFUL// test subjects with mandatory.wellness.injections administered by bearded avuncular character with ATTENDANT SINISTER ELVES has been CANCELLED due to lack of funding it’s.all.stopped.no.more.don’t//look//out//flexmas.is.dead.
again.he.ate.the.bad.tinsel.the.girl.with.
the.green.hair.
saved.you

Bioflex wishes to draw attention of employees to ATTENDANT PICTORIAL EVIDENCE of test proceedings captured on sub-permeable vril lenses specially implanted into the.eyes.of.he.who.is.known.as OLIVER FACEY/// ErrOR ErroR they.took.his.eyes>>>>>>>These images have been meticulously concentrated and reconstituted from BRAIN LEAVINGS of the OLIVER FACEY and placed in their original electrionic format online at INTERACT MOUSE WITH PHRASE TO SEE PICTURES over.three.hundred.pictures.you’re.all.there.pray.for.us

the.girl>>>>saved.you.all

If you or any other willing test subjects have gathered pictorial information through analysis of vril-energised grey matter or other more esoteric means such as CAMERAS then please post links to any such compendiums of HARMLESS EVIDENCE to our/// LAIR on the black of the moon ERROR ERROR MOON UNFOUND>>> post to our lair in the Book of Faces///>> err?metaitemref:BookofFaces lost with Kramer expedition to otherland:ABOVE, confirm?///or send us an ELECTRONIC-GREETING with details so our team of HAPPINESS LAWYERS can inspect it for correct levels of corporate jolity

FINAL MISSIVE PORTION designation SAVETHEDATE indicates occluded science vatscryers show MARCH 31ST 2012 as possible date of future “ZOMBIE” outbreak in STATION ZERO READING MALL why.do.they.keep.getting.up.you.have.to.stop.them.help.us>>>>escape

Expect future communications at>>> seemingly random intervals that DO NOT ///repeat.do.not/// relate to grand geomantic ritual scheme to overthrow EU government and are definitely random

Jolly FLEXMAS to all infants, adults and beasts
Sleep safely until.they.come>>>>they’re///coming//GET.OUT

MESSAGE END ALL TEST SUBJECTS ATTENTION REVERT

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Event plot

Bioflex thought that Christmas could be improved. The result: ‘Flexmas’. Mandatory for all employees. The new holiday was field-tested at Friar’s Walk Mall. The Occult Sciences division released a limited-edition synthorg called Father Flexmas, and seeded the mall with spores of Parthenocissus niger, also known as Yes Virginia Creeper or ‘black tinsel’, a self-replicating transgenic alternative to normal tinsel. Unfortunately, Father Flexmas formed a symbiotic relationship with the black tinsel, creating a morbidity loop and severely grinching the local vril field. The only thing anyone got for Flexmas was zombies.

What happened

On each of the four runs, the players had two options for escape: bring eight power cells to an OTF safehouse in the mall basement in order to power an emergency transmitter and summon a rescue helicopter – OR – do one of four freakish other things, as described below.

‘Market Research’ -  a deranged Bioflex market researcher needed to recover a number of experimental Flexmas cards in order to measure their psychic effect that they’d had on their recipients. All the recipients had long since died and become zombies. Quite a few humans made it out on this one, albeit after an almighty battle against zombies at the main doors.

‘Santa’s Little Helpers’ – three masked Nightmares infested the children’s fun zone and demanded the return of three missing toys. Unfortunately the “toys” were White Knights and dragging them to the Nightmares was a tad awkward.

‘Flexmas Spirits‘ – a nice Christmassy angel had to be recruited to fight a horrible not-very-Christmassy demon. The survivors could only lure the two creatures into a fight by finding a couple of occult spellbooks.

‘Flexmas Dinner’ – The horrid Father Flexmas feasted on black tinsel and rampaged around slaughtering everyone. Eventually the surviving humans force-fed him enough poisonous silver tinsel to kill him. The run was pretty much a massacre, although there are rumours that one half-dead guy might have limped to the exit and escaped.

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Jolly Goddamn Flexmas, everyone! Thanks to all of you who made it to the event yesterday, and to those of you who didn’t, you missed an absolute blinder.

Who could forget the furious onslaught of Father Flexmas, and his attendant army of White Knights and festive Nightmare Elves? Probably no-one, even if they tried really hard, or underwent special mindwiping technology. Seeing Ben in that outfit scared me, and I made the bloody thing.

You guys brought along a vicious team of morris dancers, an undead Father Christmas with a zombie in a sack, an incredibly enthusiastic Scout troupe, a pair of plumbers armed with pipes, an entire team of grey-faced undead elves, the CEO of rival corporation Organiflex, and more – and even brought along some Bioflex-themed carols so we could all get into the festive spirit. Thank you. We don’t think we can possibly thank you all enough.

As ever, we had a lot of good deaths – not nearly enough this time, though, the Flexmas spirit is clearly making us too forgiving – and some valiant survivors. As our objectives got less straightforward and more ridiculous, though, the deaths racked up and the survivors were fewer and fewer. Which is always nice. In fact, only one person made it out of the final run, after Tarnia grabbed Ben and genuinely shoved silver tinsel in his mouth screaming “EAT IT FLEXMAS” over and over.*

Thanks to everyone for coming along and kicking zombie arse. We’ve already heard some of your epic tales on the day, and on Facebook – but we’d love to hear more about what happened when we weren’t watching. Leave us a comment, or a link if you’re writing the event up elsewhere. And we can’t wait to see the photos and videos people took – do send us links if you’ve uploaded anything, and we’ll joyously pass it around.

Right now we’re not sure when our next event is going to be – we’re looking into some stuff that doesn’t feature Zombies for once, like Heists or city-wide Occult Spy Games or Pervasive Horror Investigations or, you know, whatever. Rest assured, though, that the bubbling cauldron of WK-23 virus that we drink to give us ideas is far from empty, and we sincerely hope the undead will face your NERF-based wrath in Friar’s Walk mall once more next year.

Stay tuned on Facebook and check back on this blog for occasional updates (and all the pictures and video from yesterday, too), and until we meet again, we hope you have a danger-free Flexmas full of non-specific good fortune and engage in the traditional Flexmas pursuits of surprising others, ingesting vast amounts of flesh, and not suing Bioflex.

* Zombie kill of the week? Zombie kill of the year more like

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Merry Flexmas to all...

With just one week to go until Zombie LARP: You’d Better Watch Out, we thought we should probably make sure you know everything you need to know to come along and get the most out of the day. Here goes…

Where do I need to be, and when?

You’ll need to be at Friar’s Walk Mall, in Reading – here’s a map, and here’s some more information about the venue from First and Only Airsoft, the guys who run the place. Doors will be open from about 9.30am, and we’re hoping to kick the day off at about 10.30am. We’ll run one session before an hour’s break for food, two sessions in the afternoon then another break to catch our breath before the final session. We reckon we’ll be all finished and sorted before 8pm. We’ll definitely be done by 9.

What do I need to wear?

Wear comfortable, sensible clothes and shoes that you can run around in. The Mall is pretty dusty, you may well fall over or need to be on the floor, and we will be giving out handfuls of sticky fake blood, so make sure they’re clothes that can stand a bit of a beating. If you want to wear a costume, that’d be brilliant – we love it when people turn up in costumes, and we know a few folks have some absolutely fantastic ones lined up – but we don’t want you to feel like you have to. If you’re asked to play a special character, we’ll make sure we have costumes available.

Is there food?

We’ll be laying on tea, coffee, crisps, biscuits, and assorted other snacks, but we can’t provide you with a proper meal. We’re sorry about that. The Mall is slap-bang in the middle of Reading centre, and there will be plenty of time to go grab a meal – or if you’d rather bring your own food, feel free.

What should I bring with me?

• Sensible clothes
• Food and drinks
• A torch

Can/should I bring my own weapons?

We have enough weapons – just about – to kit everyone out. But if you’ve got NERF guns or other foam firers, or LARP-safe melee weapons, please feel free to bring them along. If you’re happy for other people to use them, we’d be very glad of the extra load-out. We’ll check them in at the start of the day, and make sure they get back to you at the end. If you want to play with them yourself but would rather not have them available for public use, we’ll still ask you to check them in so we can keep the game balanced and make sure any mods are safe – we’ll just make sure we put them safely away when you’re not using them.

I’m crewing – what do I need to do?

If you can turn up early, that’d be much appreciated. Everything else, we’ll explain to you on the day. Thank you in advance for being awesome.

I want to film or take photos – is that OK?

That’s totally awesome. We’d really appreciate it if we could post up links – with full credit – to your videos and/or pics after the event, so send us some links when you upload them. Some of the best images in the past have come from people recording the event in character, as players – if that’s something you want to do, please go ahead. And bear in mind the game can get quite physical and is always very fast-paced, and while everyone will do their best to be careful, you will be using your kit at your own risk.

Wait, what? I don’t even have a ticket yet!

Well, hurry up! There’s still a few left – you can buy them here.

If you have any more questions we haven’t answered here, leave a comment and let us know.

Merry Christmas from your friends at Bioflex

Do you like zombies? Do you like Christmas? Well, you’re just the sort of person we’re looking for. Seeing as You’d Better Watch Out is but three weeks away, we’re holding a competition to get everything rolling. Here’s what you have to do to enter:

- Rewrite a popular Christmas Carol (or song, you know, whatever) to be about zombies, rather than Christmas. Or about how great Bioflex is as a company and how impeccable their safety record is when it comes to unfortunate viral outbreaks.

- Then – and this is the tricky part – record yourself singing it, and put it on Youtube. If you don’t have an account, feel free to just send us the video, and we’ll upload it for you. If you’re horrendously ugly and don’t want to film yourself, you can film some other stuff and sing it over the top. We’re easy like that. Once you’re done, email us the link and let us appreciate your brilliance.

But what prizes lie in store? First prize gets a copy of the wonderful Saints Row the Third on PS3, which does briefly feature zombies so it’s at least partially relevant. Two runners up will get a season one box set of the fantastic anime Highschool of the Dead, which is packed full of more zombies and conflicted Japanese teenagers than you can shake a fireaxe at.

Closing date for entries is December 3rd, so get cracking!

Some disclaimers:

- We only have Saints Row the Third on PS3, unfortunately, because that’s what format the spare copy is in. It’s unwrapped. I’ve played it. The online code is still valid, and it’s entirely the same as a new copy, save for some plastic wrap around the outside. If you need to recreate the feel of an entirely new game, feel free to wrap it in clingfilm before you play it or something

- If you win, and don’t want Saint’s Row the Third, you’ll be entitled to one of the runner up prizes of a box set of High School of the Dead. If you don’t want that then, um, maybe you shouldn’t enter the competition

- You don’t need to be a player of ZombieLARP to enter. We’ll send you your prize in the post, if you win, so we’ll get in touch for your postal details if you’re one of the lucky three

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