Lanard Speed Loader – review

Lanard speed loader in action

Literally the only photo of anyone ever actually using the Lanard Speed Loader

We don’t know where it came from – possibly this is the first success of our complex NERF-breeding programme. We’re pretty sure it’s a Lanard Speed Loader, but we’re damned if we can work out who bought it, or when, or why. We mean, it’s garishly coloured and relatively sensible, probably a reasonably priced gun without too many fancy bells and whistles that could go wrong, which is why we can’t work out why we own it. We like guns with far too many bells and whistles and things that make you really excited about using them and also make them fall apart or stop working at particularly dramatic moments. This gun doesn’t fire anything extra or unload in a cinematic way or jam unexpectedly or anything. We suppose this is what happens when you jam your cupboard full of air-powered foam firing projectile weapons without some sort of protection.

Anyway! This eight-round pump-action gun is a solid choice. It’ll fire anything you put in it, rarely jams, is compact and secure enough to stick in a bag and is, importantly, pump-action. In fact it’s so free from problems it lacks character, which makes it hard to write about. Apart from its mysterious nature, of course.